Why Some Men Feel Worse When They Finally Take a Holiday

You've been counting down the days for weeks. The emails are answered, the laptop is shut and your out-of-office reply is officially on. No meetings, no deadlines, no early morning commute. Just a couple of weeks to relax, recharge and enjoy some well-earned time off.

Sounds pretty good, right?

Except there's one problem. You don't actually feel any better.

Instead of feeling relaxed, you're restless. You keep thinking about work, checking your phone or worrying about everything waiting for you when you return. You might even find yourself feeling unusually irritable, anxious or downright miserable.

And the worst part? You feel guilty about it.

After all, you've been looking forward to this holiday for months. So why can't you just enjoy it?

For some men, taking a break can bring uncomfortable emotions to the surface. Holiday anxiety, difficulty relaxing and feelings of emptiness can become particularly noticeable when the demands of everyday life suddenly disappear.

It's not necessarily because you dislike holidays. Sometimes, the problem is that you've become so accustomed to being busy that you don't quite know what to do when everything stops.

Let's explore why this happens, what it might reveal about your mental health and how you can make your next break genuinely restorative.

Why Does Taking a Holiday Sometimes Make You Feel Worse?

We tend to think of holidays as the solution to stress.

Has work been relentless? Take a break. Feeling exhausted? Book a getaway. Struggling with motivation? A couple of weeks away should sort you out.

But mental health doesn't always work that way.

While holidays can provide valuable opportunities for rest, they don't automatically resolve the underlying pressures you've been experiencing.

If you've spent months managing deadlines, financial responsibilities, workplace conflict or family demands, those concerns don't necessarily disappear when you leave the office.

Sometimes, you simply have more time to think about them.

When the Distractions Disappear, Your Thoughts Get Louder

Think about a typical working week.

You're rushing between meetings, answering messages, organising dinner, getting the kids ready and trying to squeeze in some exercise.

There's barely enough time to think about tomorrow, let alone how you're feeling.

Then the holidays arrive.

Suddenly, there's no urgent task demanding your attention. No meeting to prepare for. No deadline to chase.

And for the first time in weeks, you're left alone with your thoughts.

You might start thinking about problems in your relationship, whether you're happy with your career, or why you've been feeling disconnected from the people around you.

These concerns may have been present for some time, but your usual routine provided plenty of distractions.

This doesn't mean taking a holiday causes anxiety or depression. Rather, the change in routine can make existing feelings more noticeable.

Why Men Struggle to Switch Off From Work

For many men, work is more than a way to earn money.

It can provide structure, purpose, social connection and a sense of achievement. Whether you're running a business, working on a construction site, managing a team or building a career, there's often satisfaction in knowing you're getting things done.

But what happens when your sense of self becomes too closely connected to your productivity?

You might struggle to relax without feeling that you should be doing something useful.

You could be sitting beside a pool, surrounded by your family and still feel the urge to check your emails.

Not because anyone has asked you to, but because being unavailable feels uncomfortable.

When Being Busy Becomes Part of Your Identity

Some men develop a strong belief that their value comes from what they achieve.

This mindset is understandable, especially if you've spent years being rewarded for working hard, solving problems and taking responsibility.

However, it can become difficult when productivity starts determining how you feel about yourself.

Consider these familiar thoughts:

• "I should be doing something productive": Relaxing feels like wasting valuable time.
• "Everyone's relying on me": You worry that things will fall apart if you're unavailable.
• "I'll fall behind": Taking time off feels like losing momentum.
• "I haven't earned a break": You believe you need to accomplish more before you're allowed to rest.
• "What if something goes wrong?": You struggle to trust others to manage responsibilities without you.

Over time, these beliefs can make switching off feel surprisingly difficult.

You might even find yourself creating unnecessary tasks during your holiday, simply because having something to accomplish feels more comfortable than doing nothing.

But being productive and being valuable aren't the same thing.

Your worth doesn't disappear when your workday ends.

The Difficulty of Disconnecting From Work

Modern technology hasn't exactly made holidays easier.

You can check your emails from the beach, respond to clients from a caravan park or join a meeting while supposedly enjoying a family getaway.

The line between work and personal life can blur.

According to Healthdirect's guidance on work-life balance, maintaining boundaries between professional and personal responsibilities supports wellbeing and reduces burnout risk.

If you find yourself constantly checking work notifications, it may be worth asking whether you're responding to genuine responsibilities or simply struggling to let go.

When Your Body Slows Down but Your Mind Doesn't

You've stopped working, but your brain hasn't received the message.

You're physically sitting still, yet mentally you're planning, worrying, anticipating problems and running through endless possibilities.

This is a common experience for people dealing with prolonged stress.

When you've spent significant time under pressure, it can take a while to adjust to a slower routine.

You might experience:

• Restlessness: Feeling uncomfortable when there's nothing specific to do.
• Racing thoughts: Constantly thinking about responsibilities, unfinished tasks or future problems.
• Irritability: Becoming frustrated by small inconveniences or changes to plans.
• Sleep difficulties: Struggling to fall asleep despite feeling exhausted.
• Difficulty concentrating: Finding it hard to enjoy a book, conversation or activity.
• Physical tension: Experiencing headaches, tight muscles or an unsettled stomach.

These symptoms can be associated with stress and anxiety, although they can have other causes too.

Why Can't I Relax Even When There's Nothing to Worry About?

Sometimes, the challenge isn't an obvious problem. It's the expectation that you should always be prepared for one.

If you're used to managing unpredictable situations or constantly anticipating what comes next, relaxing can feel unfamiliar.

You might start worrying about whether you're making the most of your holiday, whether the weather will ruin your plans or whether you're disappointing your family by not being enthusiastic enough.

Before long, you've turned relaxation into another responsibility.

Recognising this pattern can be useful.

Instead of demanding you feel relaxed immediately, give yourself time to adjust.

You don't have to go from a hundred kilometres an hour to complete stillness overnight.

The Connection Between Burnout and Holiday Anxiety

There's a difference between being tired after a busy week and experiencing ongoing work-related burnout.

Burnout is associated with chronic workplace stress that hasn't been successfully managed. It can involve exhaustion, increased negativity or distance towards work and reduced professional effectiveness.

And unfortunately, a holiday isn't always enough to address it.

Why Burnout Recovery Takes More Than a Week Off

Imagine you've spent the past six months working long hours, skipping lunch breaks, sleeping poorly and pushing through mounting responsibilities.

By the time your holiday arrives, you're completely drained.

You might expect to feel refreshed after a few days, but instead, you're still exhausted.

Perhaps you're struggling to enjoy activities you normally love. You feel emotionally flat, easily frustrated or disconnected from your family.

These experiences may be related to prolonged stress, although they can also overlap with anxiety, depression or physical health concerns.

A holiday can provide some much-needed breathing room, but if the conditions contributing to your stress remain unchanged, the relief may be temporary.

As Healthdirect explains in its guidance on work-related stress, ongoing workplace pressures can affect sleep, mood, concentration and relationships.

Meaningful recovery may require more than rest. It might involve changing your workload, establishing healthier boundaries, addressing workplace difficulties or reconsidering how you manage expectations.

If you're interested in recognising the warning signs before your next break, read our article on end-of-year burnout and how men can cope.

What If You Return From Holiday Feeling Just as Exhausted?

If your stress levels remain high after time away, it may be worth looking beyond your holiday routine.

Ask yourself:

Are you getting enough rest during your normal working week? Are you regularly taking on more than you can realistically manage? Do you feel comfortable saying no? Are you maintaining relationships and activities outside work?

Sometimes, the most important changes need to happen during the other forty-eight weeks of the year, not just the four you spend on leave.

Through stress management therapy, a psychologist can help you identify the pressures contributing to your exhaustion and develop strategies that fit your circumstances.

Why Rest Can Trigger Feelings of Guilt or Unproductivity

Here's a question worth considering.

When was the last time you did absolutely nothing and genuinely enjoyed it?

Not watching television while scrolling through emails. Not exercising because you felt guilty about yesterday's dinner. Not taking the kids somewhere because you thought you should.

Just enjoying a moment without needing to justify it.

For some men, that can be surprisingly difficult.

The Pressure to Always Be Doing Something

Many of us grow up hearing messages about working hard, being responsible and making something of ourselves.

These values can be positive. They can encourage discipline, ambition and resilience.

But taken too far, they can create the belief that you must earn rest.

You might feel guilty sitting down while your partner is busy. Perhaps you struggle to enjoy a quiet afternoon because there are jobs around the house.

Or maybe you return from a holiday feeling disappointed because you didn't accomplish everything on your itinerary.

The problem is that when every moment needs to be productive, rest becomes another task to complete.

And that's not particularly relaxing.

Learning to Separate Rest From Laziness

Rest doesn't mean you've stopped caring about your responsibilities.

It means you're making space for your physical and mental well-being.

Sometimes that involves exercise, catching up with friends or spending time outdoors.

Other times, it means sitting on the couch and watching the cricket without feeling the need to achieve anything.

You don't need to turn every holiday into a personal development project.

Permitting yourself to enjoy activities without measuring their productivity can be an important part of developing a healthier relationship with work and achievement.

When Holiday Anxiety Starts Feeling Like Depression

Not everyone experiences holiday anxiety as nervousness or racing thoughts.

For some men, it can feel more like emptiness.

You might lose interest in activities you normally enjoy, feel unusually disconnected from your partner or struggle to find motivation.

Perhaps you're surrounded by people having a great time, but you feel as though you're watching everything from the outside.

These feelings can be particularly confusing when there's no obvious reason to be unhappy.

Understanding Holiday Depression and Low Mood

The term holiday depression is sometimes used to describe low mood or depressive symptoms experienced during holidays. However, it isn't a separate clinical diagnosis.

Many reasons might explain why someone feels low during time off.

You could be dealing with unresolved stress, relationship difficulties, loneliness, financial pressure or disappointment that your holiday isn't meeting expectations.

Changes to sleep, exercise, alcohol consumption and everyday routines may also affect your mood.

Occasional low mood doesn't necessarily indicate depression.

However, if you're experiencing persistent sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest or other symptoms that affect your daily functioning, it's important to take them seriously.

For some men, depression may also involve irritability, withdrawal or increased alcohol use rather than openly expressing sadness.

You can learn more about recognising symptoms and accessing support through our depression counselling services.

Don't Ignore Feelings Just Because You're on Holiday

It's tempting to dismiss uncomfortable emotions when you're supposed to be enjoying yourself.

You might tell yourself you're being ungrateful or that other people have bigger problems.

But your mental health doesn't follow your holiday itinerary.

If you're feeling anxious, overwhelmed or persistently low, those experiences deserve attention regardless of where you are.

You don't have to wait until you return to work before acknowledging that something isn't right.

How to Actually Relax and Enjoy Your Time Off

So, how do you make a holiday feel like a break rather than another source of pressure?

The answer isn't necessarily to book a longer trip, spend more money or fill your days with activities.

Sometimes, it's about changing how you approach time away.

1. Give Yourself Time to Transition Into Holiday Mode

Don't expect your mind to switch off the moment you close your laptop.

If possible, avoid scheduling every minute of your first day.

Give yourself time to unpack, settle in, catch up on sleep or simply enjoy a slower pace.

You might find it takes a few days before you feel comfortable with the change in routine.

That's fine.

You don't need to force yourself to relax on a schedule.

2. Set Clear Boundaries With Work Before You Leave

If you're constantly wondering what's happening back at the office, you may struggle to enjoy being away.

Before your holiday:

• Communicate your availability: Let colleagues and clients know when you'll be away and who to contact.
• Delegate responsibilities: Make sure essential tasks have a clear point of contact.
• Manage notifications: Turn off unnecessary work alerts where practical.
• Set realistic expectations: Accept that some tasks can wait until you return.
• Prepare for your return: Make a short list of priorities so you don't spend the holiday trying to remember everything.

Not everyone can disconnect completely, particularly business owners and people with genuine on-call responsibilities.

But even establishing specific times for essential check-ins can be better than feeling permanently available.

3. Stop Trying to Have the Perfect Holiday

It's easy to place enormous expectations on a break.

You've worked hard all year, spent money on accommodation and promised your family a great time.

Naturally, you want everything to go well.

But holidays involve real life.

The weather changes. Kids get tired. Restaurants are booked out. Someone forgets the sunscreen.

If you approach every inconvenience as something that ruins the experience, you can end up creating more stress than you're escaping.

Victoria's Better Health Channel guidance on holiday stress encourages realistic expectations and avoiding overly packed itineraries.

Sometimes, the best holiday memories come from the moments you didn't plan.

4. Find Activities That Help You Feel Present

Relaxation doesn't have to mean lying beside a pool.

For some men, sitting still can make anxious thoughts feel more noticeable.

You might find it easier to unwind while fishing, swimming, walking, cooking, playing golf or exploring somewhere new.

The important distinction is whether you're doing something because you genuinely enjoy it or because you feel compelled to remain busy.

Try choosing activities that allow you to focus on the experience rather than the outcome.

You don't need to beat your personal best on every run or turn every fishing trip into a competition.

Sometimes, enjoying the activity is enough.

5. Pay Attention to Alcohol and Other Coping Habits

For many Australians, holidays involve a few drinks.

There's nothing inherently unusual about enjoying a beer at a barbecue or celebrating with friends.

However, it's worth noticing whether alcohol is becoming your main way of managing stress, anxiety or uncomfortable emotions.

If you find yourself drinking because you can't relax, feel overwhelmed or want to avoid difficult thoughts, consider what else might help.

Alcohol can interfere with sleep and may worsen anxiety or low mood, particularly when consumed excessively.

The same principle applies to gambling, excessive screen time or other behaviours used to escape uncomfortable feelings.

The aim isn't to remove everything enjoyable from your holiday. It's to recognise when a coping habit is creating more problems than it solves.

6. Make Rest Part of Your Normal Routine

Perhaps the most useful thing you can do for your next holiday is change what happens between now and then.

If you're constantly exhausted, overcommitted and emotionally drained throughout the year, a two-week break has a lot of work to do.

Try building smaller opportunities for recovery into your regular routine.

That might mean protecting your weekends, spending more time with mates, taking a proper lunch break or setting boundaries around work calls.

It might also mean addressing workplace pressures or personal expectations that make it hard to slow down.

A holiday should be an opportunity to enjoy life, not your only chance to recover from it.

When Should You Seek Professional Support for Holiday Anxiety?

Feeling a little restless during the first few days of leave doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.

But if anxiety, low mood or difficulty relaxing is becoming a recurring problem, it may be worth exploring what's contributing to those feelings.

Consider seeking support if:

• You feel constantly on edge: Even when responsibilities are reduced, you struggle to stop worrying.
• You can't enjoy activities: Things that previously brought satisfaction no longer seem interesting.
• Your relationships are suffering: Irritability, withdrawal or frustration are affecting your partner, children or friends.
• You're struggling with sleep: You feel exhausted but can't get adequate rest.
• You're relying on unhealthy coping strategies: Alcohol or other behaviours are becoming your main way of managing emotions.
• Your mood remains persistently low: Feelings of sadness, hopelessness or emptiness continue beyond a temporary difficult period.

A psychologist can help you explore whether your experiences are related to work stress, anxiety, depression, life transitions or other concerns.

At Blokes Psychology, we understand that men don't always recognise emotional difficulties in the same way.

Sometimes, it's not a dramatic breakdown or an obvious crisis.

It's simply realising that you're not enjoying things the way you used to.

Our psychologists provide practical, evidence-based support to help men understand their experiences and develop strategies that work in everyday life.

Whether you're experiencing anxiety, persistent stress or difficulties with your mood, there's no need to wait until things become overwhelming before reaching out.

Your Holiday Shouldn't Be the Only Time You Get to Feel Good

Something is frustrating about spending months looking forward to a holiday, only to discover that you don't know how to enjoy it when it finally arrives.

But perhaps that's worth paying attention to.

If you struggle to relax, feel guilty whenever you're not productive, or become anxious when life slows down, it might be a sign that something in your everyday routine needs attention.

And that's not something another resort, road trip or week off will necessarily fix.

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own company. To enjoy time with your family without constantly thinking about work. To spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing without feeling that you've wasted it.

Most importantly, you deserve to feel good during the rest of the year, too.

At Blokes Psychology, we help men understand the pressures affecting their mental health and develop practical ways to manage stress, anxiety and emotional wellbeing.

Whether you're struggling to switch off, feeling disconnected from the things you enjoy or finding that work has taken over more of your life than you'd like, our psychologists can help you explore what's happening.

You don't need to have everything figured out before getting started.

Learn about our personalised booking process or contact Blokes Psychology to take the next step towards a healthier balance between work, rest and everyday life.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Holiday Anxiety

Why do I feel anxious when I'm on holiday?

Holiday anxiety can arise from several factors, including difficulty switching off from work, changes to routine, unrealistic expectations and unresolved stress. Some people also find that having fewer distractions makes existing worries more noticeable. Identifying what triggers your anxiety can help you develop more effective ways to manage it.

Why can't I relax even when I have nothing to do?

Difficulty relaxing may be linked to ongoing stress, anxiety, perfectionism, or a strong connection between productivity and self-worth. If you're accustomed to being constantly busy, slowing down can feel uncomfortable. Learning to tolerate downtime and establishing healthier boundaries may help.

Can burnout make you feel worse during a holiday?

Yes, people experiencing burnout may continue to feel exhausted, irritable, or emotionally drained during time off. A holiday can provide rest, but it may not resolve the underlying workplace pressures contributing to burnout. Longer-term changes and professional support may be helpful.

Is it normal to feel depressed while on holiday?

Some people experience periods of low mood during holidays, particularly when dealing with stress, loneliness, relationship difficulties or unmet expectations. However, persistent sadness, hopelessness or loss of interest shouldn't be dismissed. If these symptoms continue or interfere with everyday life, speak with a GP or mental health professional.

How long does it take to switch off from work?

There's no universal timeframe. Some people settle into holiday mode quickly, while others need several days to adjust. Factors such as workload, ongoing responsibilities, stress levels and personal circumstances can influence how easily you disconnect.

Can therapy help me learn how to relax?

Yes. Psychological therapy can help you understand why relaxation feels difficult, recognise unhelpful thinking patterns and develop strategies for managing stress and anxiety. It can also help you explore the expectations and behaviours that make it difficult to maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life.

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